And No One Knows Who's in Control
by tsaralondes
Summary: Muse: Matt is possessed by a demon that leaves him fully conscious but unable to control his own body.
1. Chapter 1

It happened in the middle of a gig.

Matt ran across the stage to return to the microphone, white lab coat trailing behind. He took a gasping breath before screaming out the lyrics to the last chorus of Dark Shines, the roar of the crowd and the sound of the instruments creating their usual state of euphoria within him. Sweat dripped down his face and he grinned hugely.

Grinned? His euphoric mood was clouded with confusion. He frowned. No, tried to frown. He was still grinning. Still passionately screaming out the lyrics and deflating his lungs, taking another huge breath for the second to last line- no, no breath. He went right into the line without taking a breath. His chest burned as the song ended and he tried to suck in some much needed air, but realized with a pang of fear that it was not happening. _I can't breathe,_ flashed through his mind_,_ immediately followed by, _No, don't panic. It won't help_. He attempted to turn and look at Dom, but found to his horror that he couldn't do that either. He could do nothing but stand completely still and gaze at the audience._ Okay, time to panic. _

"Matt, you okay?" Chris asked through the headset.

The singer couldn't turn to look at Chris, but his voice was heavy with concern. Matt figured he must look as terrified as he felt. Suddenly and without warning, his body (that he was definitely no longer controlling) took a breath. The intense relief felt like heaven. He looked over at Chris with intent to shake his head no, but involuntarily flashed the bassist a grin.

"I'm fantastic!"

It wasn't Matt who said it. It came from his mouth, but it wasn't him. He was gripped with frantic terror and wanted to scream to Chris that he wasn't okay, but instead he heard himself announcing the next song. His body began to run and jump around the stage without his permission as the band played, the crowed roared and the instruments blared loudly. Matt was having a panic attack invisible to everyone else, was being forced to play and sing when he felt like breaking down and wanted to be screaming for help.

_They can't possibly think I'm alright! C'mon, Dom, look at my eyes and see that this is not alright. Oh god, please just let me stop playing. This makes no logical sense and I need it to stop. I need it to-_

"Shut up, Matthew."

The singer's blood ran cold. The low and bizarrely inhuman voice didn't come through the headset.

Although it didn't speak up again, the rest of the show was hell.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to those who left reviews for chapter one!

I promise there will be Belldom soon; it's not easy to go from demonic possession right into slash.

* * *

It's dark. Can't feel anything.

Silence.

Groggy thoughts seeping in like molasses.

_Am I blind? _

"Hello, Matthew."

_Fuck, holy fuck. Fucking hell._

The horribly inhuman voice from earlier. Matt tried to recoil from it, needed to escape somehow before it got him. He couldn't feel anything. Just floating in blackness with that horrible...Thing...somewhere nearby.

He would've let out a panicked whine, but he wasn't sure that he had a mouth anymore.

"It's okay, Matthew. I just want to talk. I'm sure you have questions."

Talking. Questions. Okay.

_...but I don't have a mouth._

"You don't need a mouth. I can hear you."

Oh.

_Okay, yeah. What- who the hell are you? _

"You already know. I filled you in."

_No, I don't know, 'cos my brain is telling me you're a fucking demon, and that's ridiculous. Who are you and how did you get in my head?_

_"_Ridiculous? I don't think so."

_So you're a demon._

An unearthly chuckle.

Matt's thoughts were momentarily paralyzed.

No, it's not a demon. That's absurd.

"Next question, please."

_Why are you here?_

Silence.

_What are you going to do?_

No response.

_Er, okay. What are you called?_

"I don't care what you call me."

_Lucifer?_

He meant it as a joke, but the thought suddenly scared him and he froze in anticipation of the response.

"You don't believe in Lucifer."

_No, 'cos it's ridiculous. You just strike me as a Lucifer. _

The Thing laughed again, though this time it sounded genuinely amused.

"I like you, Matthew."

_Well, that's good. I'm glad to hear it, 'cos you know, I was worried that you were going to drag me to hell or something. _

Another amused laugh.

"You don't believe in Hell, Matthew."

_I dunno. I mean, I'm in some dark pit with a demon inside my brain. I might have to reevaluate my beliefs in light of new evidence._

A short pause.

"Matthew, I can read your thoughts. You suspect this is a government conspiracy. You really are paranoid."

_Maybe I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. You would tell me if you were a hallucination, wouldn't you?_

An annoyed grunt.

Woops.

"You try to quell your fear with humor, but I can feel it failing. It should be. Your position is not one to laugh about."

Electricity coursed through Matt's suddenly existent body, the sensation quickly turning into excruciating pain. He tried to scream, but no sound came out.

Agony, darkness and silence were Matt's entire existence for what felt like an eternity. Coherent thought was impossible, though he mentally begged the Thing to make it stop.

_Please._

_Please._

_I'm sorry, PLEASE._

_PLEASE, IT'S TOO MUCH, PLEASE_

_HURTS_

_AT LEAST LET ME DIE_

"Shut up, Matthew."


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you think?"

"I think it's a good idea, yeah."

"Should we check with Chris?"

"If you want. I don't think he cares."

The electricity had ceased as suddenly as it had started.

Matt could feel himself sitting at a table._ Tour bus table._ He was vaguely aware of a conversation, his brain still trying to emerge from the foggy state that the pain had left it in.

Two voices. Dominic and...himself. Matt noticed that he could feel his mouth moving and his throat vibrating with the words spoken in his voice; a new feeling of nauseous unease gripped his stomach.

"No way, Dom!" he heard himself exclaim, emitting a high pitched giggle that contrasted disturbingly with his anxiety.

"Okay, Matt. I won't." An unmistakable mischievous undertone.

"Dominic fucking Howard!"

Delirious laughter had both men gasping for air.

As the blackness slowly cleared, the inside of the tour bus came into view along with Dominic sitting across from him at the small table. Matt was apparently saying something hilarious, now, as Dom broke into another fit of laughter and Matt's voice was cut off by his own giggling.

Anxiety was morphing into another panic attack, but his heart wouldn't race and he wasn't hyperventilating. The discrepancies between his body and his emotions only amplified the fear.

This had to stop.

Time for an intervention.

As soon as his head was completely clear and the confusion was gone with the blackness, Matt was ready to take over the conversation and his body. He would not let that Thing crush him like this, wouldn't let it speak to his best friend for one more horrible second.

"Oh", Dom started, tone serious. "I forgot to ask. What the hell happened after Dark Shines tonight? Chris said you looked like you'd seen a fucking ghost. We both said your name like five times through the headset before you even moved."

_I couldn't fucking breathe, Dominic, I don't know how to explain it but I'm going to try. Five times? I only heard Chris once. _

He meant to say it out loud, but-to his complete horror-it only manifested as a thought.

He smiled (_god, no_) and heard himself laughing dismissively.

"Oh, that was nothing. I zoned out, you know, I need to work on that."

_Nonono._

_Please no._

_This isn't happening._

"Are you sure, mate? That's some intense zoning out."

_C'mon, Dom, you know that wasn't zoning out._

_I know you know._

_You have to._

_You really, really have to because if you don't-_

"Yeah, I dunno, it doesn't matter." Matt waved his hand in a dismissive motion.

"Okay."

Dom sounded worried and unconvinced, but didn't push it further.

_Dominic James Howard. Listen. To. Me._

_I can't control my fucking body._

_I can't move my own fingers._

_I can't move my eyes._

_I can't even control my breathing._

_Actually I'm not breathing deeply enough. I need a deep breath._

_My lungs hurt._

_Fuck, this is torture._

_I'm not blinking enough._

_No! Why the fuck are you thinking about blinking and breathing, Bellamy? Cut it out!_

Dom rose from his seat at the table and yawned loudly.

"I'm going to hit the hay. Night, Matt."

_No, Dom._

_Please don't leave me._

_I'm fucking terrified. _

* * *

Matt sat perfectly still at the table for what felt like hours.

He didn't have a choice.

The silence was finally broken when the Thing laughed horribly in Matt's head.

"Oh, Matthew," it whispered, "we're going to have such fun with Dominic tonight."

_ W-what? Don't you fucking touch-_

Matt's train of thought was abruptly paralyzed as his hand closed around a kitchen knife.

His thumb softly stroked the handle and he managed to collect his thoughts.

_N-no._

_Fuck you._

_If you think I'm going anywhere near Dom with this you've got something else coming._

The Thing didn't respond.

Matt found himself slowly standing. He turned and began to walk toward the bunk area with the knife in his hand.

_No._

Panic and dizziness caused the world to tilt. He wanted to scream in desperation and horror, wanted to wake everyone with his screaming so they would run and be safe.

He was standing over a bunk. With the knife.

Dominic's light hair looked soft and sleep-tousled. His lips were parted slightly, expression peaceful and innocent, chest rising and falling with each slow breath. His legs shifted under the blanket and he murmured something softly. Matt's heart was ripped out.

He wanted to sob.

"When were you planning to tell Dominic that you're in love with him?"

Matt's thoughts froze for the second time that night.

_I'm not-_

"Matthew, I have access to all of your thoughts."

_Then you already-_

"Yes. I was just amusing myself."

The knife was lowered to align with Dom's heart.

Matt couldn't scream to wake him up. Couldn't even cry.

He was forced to smile.


	4. Chapter 4

And smile.

And smile.

Nothing was happening.

His body stood stiffly over the bunk, eyes forced to stare down at the sleeping blonde, the knife threatening to end the precious life residing there at any moment. Nothing was happening.

Matt noticed that his hand was quivering. His knuckles were white with their death-grip on the knife as he held its blade mere centimeters from Dominic Howard's bare chest. With each deep, sleep-heavy breath, the drummer's delicate skin came dangerously close to touching the metal.

The Thing had gone quiet.

_Hello?_

_..._

No response.

Matt tried to take a deep, steadying breath, only to remember that he wasn't in control of his lungs. He groaned internally at the discomfort.

The man below him murmured softly again, the sound causing a stabbing pain in the singer's heart.

_I won't kill Dominic. I can do this. It's my body and I have control._

He set his mind on movement. The brunette put every ounce of his willpower into getting that knife away from Dominic. His hand quivered more violently and his knuckles became whiter as his grip tightened around the handle.

_Not trying hard enough. Won't kill Dom. I will not fucking hurt Dom. _

Adrenaline surged through his system as the singer tried with every fiber of his being to take back control. He could feel the energy coursing through him as his breathing became more rapid, all of his senses heightened painfully. He could hear the blood rushing through his ears and feel it pulsing in his neck, his thin frame shaking violently with the rush of adrenaline longing to be put to use.

_Move._

_Move!_

Shaking, struggling, not moving. The adrenaline uselessly coursing through his system was an almost unbearable torture. He could have sworn he heard himself whimper aloud.

The singer's facial muscles were beginning to hurt and he noticed that he was still smiling.

Unbearable torture.

He was forced to keep enduring it.

Matt wasn't sure how long he stood there, violently shaking as he prayed for the adrenaline to dissipate, knife held above that unimaginably precious chest but never lowering to touch it. Seconds blurred into minutes and minutes into hours as the night continued endlessly. He didn't want to stop paying attention, didn't want to stop fighting, but dissociation was the only way he could get through this with his sanity in tact.

Hours. Spinning inside his head, alternating between reality and some far-away place where none of this was happening. A few times during the night Dom stirred and shifted, nearly giving Matt a heart-attack as he tried in vain to move the blade out of the way, but the cold metal never touched the tan skin.

At some point, which must have been early morning judging by the faint light spilling into Dominic's bunk from his window, the Thing had the audacity to speak to him.

"That was fun. You should get to bed."

Matt couldn't respond. He was dazed and on the verge of hysterics, the feelings bottled up internally as a smile stayed plastered on his face.

Finally, finally, the knife lifted away from Dominic, his body placing it on the counter before turning back to the bunk area. He let himself get lost inside his head as the Thing got ready for bed for him, brushing his teeth and stripping off his clothes before climbing into the top bunk.

It was going to let him sleep.

Why was it...?

Don't trust...

He drifted off.


	5. Chapter 5

Upon waking up, Matt's first thought was that the whole ordeal had been a horrible dream. Just a vivid nightmare. Relief washed over him and he tried to suck in a deep breath.

_...shit._

The relief was short lived. A now-familiar, inhuman voice laughed softly in his head.

Without meaning to, he sat up and climbed out of the bunk, the demon still controlling his body. Dom and Chris were in the kitchen area for breakfast. When Matt entered, he saw the bassist sitting at the table while Dominic stood at the counter making eggs.

_Dominic. _

Nausea and lightheadedness consumed him as the sight of his best friend brought back a flood of memories from the previous night. He could have killed him. He could still kill him. He didn't want to hurt Dominic. Didn't want the demon to bring him anywhere near Dominic.

Against his will, the brunette walked across the kitchen toward the drummer and leaned over on the counter.

"Smells good, Dommie."

Matt was immediately mortified.

_'Dommie'?_ _What the fuck do you think you're doing? I don't call him 'Dommie'!_

The thing laughed. "We're flirting with him."

_No! This is fucking insane! You're going to get away from my best mate and then leave him the fuck alone._

"Don't you know, Matthew? This is what you're supposed to do when you're in love with someone."

Matt was fuming with rage and fear, still leaning against the counter and smiling at Dominic.

"You're a great cook. Looks delicious," he heard himself say in a happy tone.

He noticed that Chris had looked up from his laptop to stare at him. Dom was looking at him with a slight frown and knitted eyebrows.

"Yeah...er...thanks, Matt."

The awkward tension in the room was tangible.

_I am going to fucking kill you, whatever you are._

Dominic scraped the scrambled eggs onto two plates before turning toward Matt.

"Do you want any?"

_Yeah, say yes. I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday. Starving._

"No, thanks. I'm not really hungry."

_What the fuck? I need food. Why are you making me turn down breakfast?_

The drummer shrugged. "Okay then."

Matt was forced to sit at the table and watch as his bandmates devoured their eggs. It was almost painful.

The conversation over breakfast was idle, chatting about music and gigs and the tour in general. The Thing used its full access to Matt's brain in order to manufacture believable responses and comments. Luckily, it didn't flirt with Dominic again during the meal.

Unluckily, it was because it had a different plan in mind.

* * *

As Dom washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen after the trio was finished with breakfast, Matt began- to Dom's complete shock- to dry things and put them away.

"You're helping?", he asked, sounding pleased but incredulous.

Matt smiled. "Yeah. Thought you could use some assistance."

The blonde stopped in his tracks and fixed his friend with a serious gaze.

"You've been acting really, very weird lately, Matt. Is everything okay?"

The singer was gripped with a desperate hope.

_Good, Dom, I knew you could see it. No, I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I need you to help me._

He felt himself take a deep breath- _fuck yes, it's about time you let me do that_- before returning Dominic's solemn gaze and beginning to speak.

"I-I don't know. I just...I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately, and I've come to a lot of realizations..."

_What the fuck are you making me say? _

"...and, it's just...Dom. I'm going to tell you something that might ruin everything, but I can't keep pretending it's not real."

_What the FUCK are you making me say?_

"D-Dom...I love you."

_Oh._

_God._

_What the fuck-_

_Why would you?_

_How could you do this?_

Warm lips pressed against his own. Shaking hands brushed his arms, his back, awkwardly looking for a place to rest. Matt could only register complete shock and surprise as he felt himself returning the kiss.

He was kissing Dominic. Dominic was kissing him.

No, the Thing was kissing Dominic. Bad. Dangerous. Not okay.

Warm breath next to his ear. The drummer ran his fingers through the smaller man's hair, followed by a shaky whisper that sent chills down his spine. "I love you too, Matthew."

The brunette's eyes moved of their own volition to look at last night's knife.

Matt's emotions were in a state of complete turmoil. He wanted to scream and cry in horror, wanted to laugh and smile because Dominic loved him, Dominic was holding him, Dominic...could be in mortal danger because of him.

"Matthew fucking Bellamy. I love you too." The blonde laughed and buried his face in the singer's shoulder.


End file.
